Vs.

I judge a mustache on three criteria: upkeep, style and the overall charisma the mustache exudes.

I’m willing to admit Harold has me beat in the charisma department. The guy just looks like a star. Plus someone else took his picture while I took a picture of myself in my office cubicle. I’m willing to admit when I’m outmatched, and when it comes to natural charisma, Harold has IT.

Style: we both went with the traditional mustache. I’m not one to brag but the human face is a much better fit for a mustache. The lack of a neck really throws off the dimensions needed for a good stache. I’d have to give the style round to myself.

Upkeep: I’m the clear winner in the upkeep category, but the lack of trimming devices/hands and fingers is a disadvantage for the walrus that can’t be ignored. Those whiskers are mighty long, but it seems as if Harold has no control over how long they grow.

After a lot of soul searching, I’d have to rule this contest a draw. Only fair way to call it. On the bright side, at least Harold doesn’t look like a porn star.

– Ryan