Masturbating at the DMV Has to be an All Time Low For Humanity

(Source) “Just when you thought the DMV couldn’t get any worse.

Edward Michael Alvin, 34, was arrested last week after an off-duty cop caught the man allegedly masturbating at the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles office in West Palm Beach, Fla.

The Sun-Sentinel reported that Alvin began masturbating in the lobby of the DMV on Friday.

An off-duty officer told Alvin to stop, but the suspect ignored him and was placed under arrest. He was charged with indecent exposure, and released later that evening.

In July, Alvin was arrested after allegedly stealing his former boss’ car, then crashing it while intoxicated, according to court records.

Public masturbation might be how some people get off, but that doesn’t get them off the hook with police.

Kevin Bishop, a 44-year-old man with 64 arrests already on his record, was allegedly caught masturbating on a New York subway in 2009. He was charged with public lewdness, but pleaded not guilty. Bishop told police that his “private parts fell out.”

“I looked down and it was out,” Bishop said. “It just popped out! I was trying to put it back.”

In September, Nathan Harrington allegedly gave his mailman a different kind of package when he was caught masturbating outside his home in front of the witness. He was charged with indecent conduct.

The mailman said this was the second time he had caught Harrington masturbating.”

This is disturbing on a few fronts. Obviously seeing anyone masturbating in public is pretty scarring. Tough to have a positive outlook on life when some guy is jerking off in plain sight. But of all places to masturbate in, why pick the DMV? The DMV is hell on earth. Everyone is miserable, nobody wants to be there, and you’re always there way longer than you want/need to be. If this is Edwin’s fetish then this is the sickest fetish in the history of the world. You really couldn’t wait until you got home, or in your car, or basically anywhere else on Earth? Just had to jerk off in the lobby. My only question is why did the officer ask him to stop before arresting him? So if he stopped you let him go and jerk off wherever he pleases? Lock it up. And please lock this guy up. You just can’t trust a guy who masturbates at the DMV.

– Ryan

About ryanfoges

I want to experience as much as I can while I'm here. Come along for the ride @rfogarty7.

Posted on November 13, 2013, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I have absolutely no idea how I stumbled onto your blog or this article, but really, nothing surprises me after dealing with our crack addicted mayor [Rob Ford] up here in Toronto.

    DMV/Schme-MV and zip code fornicators, pffft. We’ve had to endure this dipsh*t since 2010. From prostitutes to murders to alcoholism and narcotics abuse, even down to the extremist histrionics (drama!) that have enveloped our town hall meetings and have played out across every news media on this (unfortunately) very lonely planet: Ameri-cuh, you’ve got nuthin’ on Canada |*|!

    This was the BEST news of my day. At least I can feel that humanity is unanimously an epic failure all across earth. It’s a very good day to be alive – Just as long as us average nobodies do not have to interact with these niches of world society! 😉

    Perhaps Edward Michael Alvin knows of our Toronto mayor Rob Ford? I’ve also heard he was arrested in Florida for drunken debauchery there too…Maybe even at the DMV. 😛

    Hilarious blog, LOVE IT! Followed*

  2. this dude needs to get his hand off of his junk

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