Some people are animal lovers, but Gary Matthews would love to be an animal. Specifically a dog.

Matthews, 47, is an unemployed IT technician in Pittsburgh who figures if he has one life to live, let it be as a furry canine. Whenever he’s got the chance — usually when he’s home with family and friends — he puts on a shaggy dog costume and becomes his alter ego“Boomer.”

Matthews loves running around on all fours, eating food out of a bowl, and chasing cars. The 6-foot pretend pooch also sleeps inside a giant doghouse he keeps in his human abode. He also has a special doggie costume made from paper, Oddity Central reported. -HuffPost

Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me. Since we started this blog I’ve seen people having sex with cars, people stabbing siblings over Mac and cheese, people punching horses (twice), but I have never, ever, seen a guy wanting to be a dog.

This has “crazy” written all over it. At what point in your life do you decide to make an elaborate dog costume for yourself? I assume it has to be as close to rock bottom as you can get.

Clean yourself up and cut your hair, Gary. I love me some tacos, but you don’t see me dressing up in a tortilla.

-MattyV

PS- Boomer is a pretty weak dog name, man. You should have just stuck with “Gary”. Human names make the best dog names. That’s a proven fact. (i.e my two hypothetical dogs will be named Kevin and Dave)