“More cushion for the pushin’! A Wisconsin man who was caught last year having sex with a couch pleaded guilty to public lewdness Monday.Gerard Streator, 47, was sentenced to five months in jail for the furniture fornication, according to documents obtained by The Smoking Gun. He is also barred from possessing “pornography of any kind” and must pay $243 in court costs. Streator was arrested in September 2012, when an off-duty police officer jogging in Waukesha, Wisc. noticed Streator on the side of the road, taking the term “love seat” far too literally. The officer wrote that Streator was “thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.” Since his arrest, a presumably fake Twitter account for Streator, @ProudGunNut, has sprung up. The account, which uses Streator’s mug shot as a profile picture and include the bio,  “Silenced for supporting gun rights. Framed by the government for picking up a sofa when I wasn’t wearing a belt.” – HuffPost

When I read the headline for this article I was confused. Not because Gerard was having sex with his couch, but because the poor guy got arrested. What we do in the confines of our homes should be nobodys business but our own. Is having sex with a couch weird? Yes, yes it is. But if he’s not bothering anybody, I say let the guy bang as many couches as he wants. Then I continued reading, and now I’ll probably never have a good nights sleep again. Turns out Gerard was having sex with a random couch in public. How insane do you have to be to do something like that? Fucking couches is one thing, but walking around in public looking for couches to fuck on the side of the road is some bizarre shit. How upset must be his couch be at home. Probably getting fucked for years, sweet talked after every love making session. You know Gerard was dropping popcorn and pennies between the cushions to show the couch how much he loves it. Then Gerard goes and fucks some random couch on the side of the road? That’s some cold blooded shit Gerard. Get your act together and be a one couch loving man.

– Ryan

P.S. If you show me that picture and give me three guesses as to what Gerard did I’d guess couch fucker on the second try. Cross eyed like you wouldnt believe.