Just What The Doctor Ordered

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Burger King has finally come up with a solution to that most vexing question that has plagued mankind for decades: “In a world of multitasking, how can you use your hands to do daily activities and eat a Whopper at the same time?”

Enter the hands-free Whopper holder, a plastic device that hangs from the neck and places your Whopper inches from your mouth. All extraneous movement has been removed from the burger-eating process, including the act of bending your arms to bring the sandwich closer to your mouth.

With both hands released from the restrictive and calorie-wasting act of food eating, Whopper lovers are free to perform all of their favorite or pressing tasks while enjoying the flame-broiled goodness of Burger King’s signature sandwich. -USA Today

Just when I thought I was going to have an extra arm sewed onto my neck, Burger King reads my mind!  Who has time to eat FAST FOOD normally? I sure as hell don’t.  With changing radio stations, texting and driving, not wearing my seatbelt, and all the other tomfoolery that occurs in my car I just can’t seem to find a open time, or hand, to enjoy my Whopper.  In comes the ‘Hands-free Whopper holder’, basically a plastic feedbag that makes you looks like the fat pig-horse-man you really are.  If I start seeing these popping up I will move to the north pole.

-MattyV

P.S. Create a hands-free taco device and I might sing another tune.

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About MattFromRI

Bucs fan. Podcast producer. Social media manager. Movie goer. Gamer. Filmmaker. Reader of comics. King under the Mountain.

Posted on June 5, 2013, in Average Blog Posts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. oh my god. It can’t get more ridiculous then that,

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