Four Types of Twitter Follows

I have a confession to make: I love Twitter. It’s Facebook’s cool, hot cousin and it’s taken over the world. You can’t turn on a show without seeing each person’s twitter handle flashed beneath their name plate. While Twitter is mostly a positive thing, it does have one major drawback: anyone can tweet. Personally, I like to follow a lot of celebrities and professional wrestlers, which most of the time is really cool, primarilly because of the chance to interact with people who you would normally only be able to watch on TV. For every John Krasinki and Aaron Paul, there are thousands of keyboard warriors who ruin my day. With that said, here are the four types of people you follow on Twitter.

Celebrities

(Actors, Athletes, Musicians, Comedians) – Love ’em. I’m a huge movie, TV, sports fan, so to to be able to see celebrities interact via social media has always seemed cool to me. It almost feels like I’ve entered their inner circle, and I’m step one away from Clooney’s fancy, skinny dipping parties. I rank the celebrities slightly higher than my friends, mainly because celebrities post pictures of their yachts in Cabo and my friends post pictures of each other sleeping. (FYI: Clooney and Bill Paxton don’t have Twitter, and no I’m not ok with it.)

Stage 1 & 2 Friends

96% of my Twitter followers are people I’ve met at some point in my life. (the other 4% are sex bots) I’m not a complete savage, so naturally I follow some of those people back. Stage 1 friends are the people I associate with on a day-to-day or at least semi frequent basis. Then you have the Stage 2 or outer crust friends. These are the people you see at a bar on a random Friday night and they say “it’s been too long” but in the back of your mind your thinking even if you lived to be 500 years old it would be too soon to see them. Most of them live the same life as me, and I’m sure they’re just as bored with my tweets as I am with theirs, but without them, my @ tab would never have a down arrow. Celebrities may be cooler, but friends are more important (Clooney and Bill Paxton once again are the exceptions)

News-Breakers

Not quite celebrities, definitely not friends. But an integral part of your Twitter life nonetheless. Adam Schefter may be a midget, but on draft day, he’s the tallest man in the room. Consistently breaking NFL related stories before all the major networks (including his own). Depending on the season, this type of tweeter could potentially sneak into my top spot. Whether it’s movie news (indiewire) wrestling news (ewrestling) or random celebrity insanity (TMZ), the news breakers will always hold a special place in my peanut sized heart.

Porn Stars

I had to seperate the porn stars from the celebrities. Now when I first started following porn stars on Twitter, I expected them to be like everyone else. Do they get stuffed up for a living? Yes they do. But I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and asssumed their tweets would be just like any other self respecting actress. Boy was I wrong. Some of the filthiest shit I have ever seen in words has come from the fingers of one Bibi Jones. Oh you can’t find a decent guy? Maybe don’t tweet about jamming objects into every hole of your body next time. (Keep tweeting nude pics please)

Are there more than four types of people on Twitter? No.

– Ryan