Matt Vieira, Supreme Ruler of The Planet Mars
Mars One is a non profit organization whose mission is to expand human life to other planets. Their CEO and President’s name is Bas Lansdorp and he is insane as the day is long, but I would follow him to the ends of the universe…literally.
The Mars One initiative aims to send humans to Mars…forever. A one-way ticket that will cement you in the history books and forever change your life. The mission will send two males and two females to mars in 2023. The project is an estimated 6 billion dollar undertaking, 3.5 more billions than Curiosity. If you ask me, thats a bargain. Spend the little extra and send some people, that won’t get stuck on rocks or run out of battery, up there. “But Matt!”, you scream from outside my window. “How will they ever pay for this!?” Application fees of course! You silly geese. Applications cost $38 dollars a piece, so that means they only need 157,894,737 people to file applications. Uh…What?? However, Bas Lansdorp does not seem concerned. In a recent interview with Bas (Can I call you Bas?) he said “We have gotten 10,000+ emails already.” Way to see the glass half full, Bas.
Speaking of Mr. optimistic, Bas also said in the same interview “There will be emergencies and deaths. We need to make sure that crew members can continue without those people….it is up to the people on Mars to decide what to do with their dead.” Nothing like putting a little faith and confidence in your crew. I can see the pep talk now……(dream sequence)….”So what we got here is a rocket, not sure if its going to launch or blow up on the pad. Oh, and also, people will die up there so you figure out what to do with the bodies. As far as medicine goes, we have none, we didn’t quite reach our fundraising goal. In a couple years, if this hasn’t folded, we might send more people, but don’t count on it. Oh yea and go fuck yourself.” Just a complete “shits gonna happen” type locker room speech. But like I said, this wouldn’t stop me. The only thing that would make me want to go more is if Bruce Willis was the captain of shuttle.
Personally, I am ready to send in my application and video. And If I do get selected, here is my plan. I get up there on the red rock and. I. Go. Rogue. Just causing a ruckus and claiming Mars for myself. Have you ever been King of an entire planet? No you haven’t, but I will. SUCKERS.
Here is the welcome video on their site. If this doesn’t get you hard for exploring the universe then I feel bad for you.
P.S. When asked if Bas would like to join this mission to Mars he responded, “I have a really nice girlfriend, and she doesn’t want to come with me, so I’m staying right here.” Strong move, Bas, chivalry isn’t dead after all.