Recently Angelina Jolie let Brad Pitt out of the house and allowed him to attend the world premiere of his new film World War Z. If we need one thing in this world, its another post apocalyptic movie where one weirdly in shape man takes on a bunch of zombies. I’m not here to bash the movie, because I’ll probably see it and fall madly in love with it. I do, however, have a problem with his unflattering comments towards Miss Jennifer Aniston. For anyone who missed it, he claims that his marriage to Aniston was boring and he had an “epiphany” during the relationship which restarted his life and blah blah blah.

Let me get this straight: making sweet love to one of the most beautiful woman on the planet, spending months vacationing around the world, endless ketchup fights and arguing over who makes more money is a boring marriage? I’d stay with her just for the ketchup fights, nevermind the other perks. But maybe Brad didnt like that life. He wanted a simpler life without the public spotlight constantly shining on him. What’s his next move? He hooks up with the ice queen herself, Angelina Jolie. I’m not one to judge, but anyone who has made out with her brother and wore a vile of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck would’nt be my ideal spouse. I’m picking that “boring” lifestyle every goddamn day. Enjoy your new exciting life with your League of Nations children, Mr. Pitt. We’ll see you in the sunshine.

-Ryan

P.S. – In the real world, that “epiphany” you had is called cheating on your wife you beautiful piece of shit.