Blog Archives

Veronica-Pooh Nash Is Not The Summer Safety Instructor We Deserve, But She Is The One We Need

I don’t think I’ve agreed with a person more. On the surface, you wouldn’t think Veronica-Pooh Nash and I had a ton of things in common, but our opinions on avoiding shark attacks are pretty much identical. The ocean is the shark’s house. All they do is swim…in the ocean. I’m not saying people who are killed or attacked by sharks deserve it, but you’re taking a big risk whenever you go in the ocean. It’s not like you’re sitting home watching TV and a shark breaks down your front door and starts gnawing on your leg. We as a society would actually have a lot of problems if that started happening, but I digress. Sharks don’t want to attack humans. Scientists found that out a long time ago. But we’re basically invading their living space, and when you pit a shark against a human the human loses that battle every time. Never going in the ocean again is kind of a drastic take on this, but the sure way to avoid being shark bait is to never go in the ocean again.

– Ryan

After A Pic Of James Harden & Some Girl Leaked On Instagram The NBA Star Got Some Groupie Advice From…Bow Wow?

Yo i see yall boys still young rich and DUMB. Now james is my boy but let me say this now. This is how i USE to do it its called “leaving no evidence” if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers. The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back.

Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully. Yall be too comfy w/ brauds yall dont know!

I give credit to the ladies because most of us are just that rich and STUPID so yall know how to get us. I been caught up too before not knowing being a rookie but next time.. Leave no evidence. Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam.

Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you. Ladies when yall do stuff like this, it ruins it for you because we NEVER calling you again. Why mess it up over a proof pic that you twapping a rich dude. Was it worth it? YOOOOOO JAMES WAAAKE UP BRO! zzzzzz…. #feartheblonde

ps. This game aint for everybody! I took being a ladies man serious. You got to go all out PROTECT your brand your image.

Sounds like you’re in for a rip roaring time when you hang out with Bow Wow. He takes your phone AND your signing some kind of paper and then Bow Wow watches you sleep from his secure bunker. Party central. My favorite part of this post (besides the grammar, more on that later) is that this reads like some kind of dinner recipe. 1 cup of security takes phone. A dash of you signing papers. 3 sprinkles of making sure she’s asleep and finding her phone (usually by side of bed) & a big clump of putting that phone under the bed so you can sleep peacefully. Bow Wow has cracked the code, because everyone knows if you put someone’s phone under the bed they’re never finding it. Under the bed might as well be the lost city of Atlantis for cell phones.

On the one hand I’m glad Bow Wow’s alive, on the other hand he couldn’t possibly be more full of himself. At least he takes being a ladies man seriously though. Wouldn’t have been able to sleep this weekend without knowing that. I do want to get back to the grammar – I’m not a grammar Nazi (or any kind of Nazi) but this is written extremely poorly for someone of Bow Wow’s age. You’re 28. Get a fucking dictionary or a thesaurus or something. I know he found fame at a young age but this is just an abomination of the English language. At least now guys have the official handbook for how to hang out with girls. Make sure they sign them papers!

– Ryan

via Bro Bible & Bow Wow

James Gunn Isn’t Happy

james-gunn-london

Whatever the case, the truth is, popular fare in any medium has always been snubbed by the self-appointed elite. I’ve already won more awards than I ever expected for Guardians. What bothers me slightly is that many people assume because you make big films that you put less love, care, and thought into them then people do who make independent films or who make what are considered more serious Hollywood films.

I’ve made B-movies, independent films, children’s movies, horror films, and gigantic spectacles. I find there are plenty of people everywhere making movies for a buck or to feed their own vanity. And then there are people who do what they do because they love story-telling, they love cinema, and they want to add back to the world some of the same magic they’ve taken from the works of others. In all honesty, I do no find a strikingly different percentage of those with integrity and those without working within any of these fields of film.

If you think people who make superhero movies are dumb, come out and say we’re dumb. But if you, as an independent filmmaker or a ‘serious’ filmmaker, think you put more love into your characters than the Russo Brothers do Captain America, or Joss Whedon does the Hulk, or I do a talking raccoon, you are simply mistaken.

I have to agree with James Gunn. Just because you make a movie of a certain genre it doesn’t make the dedication to that project any more or any less. Coming from someone who has shot a bunch of shorts and a couple semi-feature length indie movies, making something takes putting your whole heart into it. Just because James Gunn decided to make a movie (which I thought was one of the best of the year) about super heroes doesn’t mean his heart and soul wasn’t in the movie and characters that he brought to life. When i go see a movie, I take into account all the hard work it went into making that movie and where the director was going with it. I never hastily judge a movie, because who am I to demean an artists work? I guess that’s what I’m not the toughest critic.

-Matt

“You Refuse to Update Your Relationship Status on Facebook”: A Breakup in 2014

At least the guy numbered his grievances. That’s about the only good thing I have to say about this breakup text. Also, it’s probably a good thing this girl got out of this relationship because there’s a solid chance this guy was planning to wear her as a skin coat. Guys with cats are already kind of a red flag (no offense Matt), and the rest of the reasons he lists here are borderline insane. The Facebook thing has to happen more often than we hear about. I  can only imagine this eating away at people as they stalk their significant other’s profiles. Constantly being teased by their friends who tell them “if it’s not Facebook official you’re not a real couple”. It’s clear that this guy finally broke down and he couldn’t take it anymore. Unless these two are 16 years old, the last two reasons are null and void. People swear, deal with it, and if you think you’re going to find a girl or guy over the age of 25 who has had less than 3 sexual partners you are literally looking for a unicorn: I’m pretty sure they exist, I’ve just never seen one. I know there are more crazy breakup texts out there, and if I’m being honest, now that I’ve had a taste of them, I need more. Fire up the internet! It’s breakup text research time.

– Ryan

H/T UPROXX

Monster Blog Wednesday: Exotic Pets

Monster Blog Wednesday is back in full swing. This week? Well, this week we offer up our choices for exotic pets. Simple right? NOPE. Here’s the kicker: We are counting extinct animals in our selections. Got yours? No? That’s ok, take a look at our picks for inspiration.

Wooly Mammouth

DSC_0017

Large, Majestic, and hairy, The Wooly Mammoth is my perfect spirit animal and pet! I really have no idea what these guys were like but I bet they were loyal as hell. Loyalty is one of the main personality traits i look for in a beast-friend. Secondly, this guy is is instant transportation. I will immediately be selling my car after this guy comes to live with me. Yeah, I might be late for everything I ever go to, but are you going to really hold it against me when I show up on a Wooly?

-Matt

PS- His name is Pete. Human names are hilarious for animals.

Rhinoceros

rhinoceros

I’ve always had a fascination with Rhinos for no apparent reason, so that’s as good a reason as any to pick it as my exotic pet. I also feel like Rhinoceros are discriminated against in pop culture. Would it kill Disney to create a sassy Rhinoceros character? The ultimate slap in the face came during the movie Madagascar; you picked a zebra over a rhino, Disney? Are you high? I’m hoping through my fictional adoption that the perception of Rhinos will go from “oh God I’m going to die” to “man that Rhino is sassy!”.

-Ryan

The Nobodies are on Facebook!

Untitled copy

Let me stop you right there; I know what you’re thinking. “Come on guys! Get with the times!” Let me tell you, 99% of the time you would be 100% correct, but in this case you are dead wrong. See, we, The Average Nobodies, have tried many a venture on Facebook but never liked the outcome. A lot of our “likers” were friends and family, and while we love our friends and family, we often don’t get the honest interaction and feedback that we would with people like YOU! You, our fans and readers, have taken this blog to heights we never thought we would reach! You interact with us, you give us feedback, and a few of you even give us content! We would like to say thank you by adding another alley in which new fans can join our community. So when the Facebookers get here lets give them an old fashion Average Nobodies welcome! The more the merrier!

If you would like to follow us on Facebook as well as here click here or the above picture

-The Average Nobodies

and remember…

rice

Help support our YouTube web series, Twitter News Weekly! Twitter News Weekly uses YOUR tweets to tell the news. A new episode is released only once a week, but we hope to change that. Every dollar you pledge helps us make better and more frequent content for you! Pledge your monthly donation (as low as 1 dollar per month) at http://www.patreon.com/AverageNobodies. Different donation levels will get you a specific reward from The Average Nobodies.

Facebook Droppin’ Stacks $$$$$$

ht_facebook_whats_app_split_sr_140219_16x9_992

 

Facebook has entered into an agreement to purchase WhatsApp, the massively popular messaging client, for $16 billion in cash and stock. A document filed with the SEC today confirms the huge purchase. As was the case with Instagram, the company says WhatsApp will continue to operate independently after the acquisition — separate from Facebook Messenger — but claims the deal “accelerates Facebook’s ability to bring connectivity and utility to the world.” Facebook is also throwing in an extra $3 billion in restricted stock units that will go to WhatsApp’s employees; those will vest over a period of four years after the acquisition is finalized. – The Verge

Why would Facebook spend 16 billion on a messaging app while they already have Facebook Messenger? The answer is simple…Users. WhatsApp has more than 450 million monthly users. If that doesn’t grab your attention check out their growth over its first 4 years as compared to other social media giants.

WhatsAppGrowth

I think what is most interesting will be how Facebook plans integrates WhatsApp into its repertoire (Instagram, Facebook, and Facebook Messenger). That is, if they integrate it at all.

-Matt

PS- 16 BILLION DOLLARS = Mucho $tacks

 

Christian Bale is a Sweet Angelic Prince

SourceDANNY HAMMOND just got a little help from Batman himself.

The 21-year-old from Springfield, Delaware County, is at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia because of astrocytoma, a cancerous tumor on his spinal cord.

To show Hammond, who has been battling cancer since he was 9, support, his family posts pics to a “Dan’s Our Man” Facebook page. Although most contributors are family and friends, Christian Bale recently sent his own show of support, sending a pic with “Dan’s Our Man” written across his face. Bale found out about Hammond through Hammond’s cousin, a costume designer who has worked with Bale.

Bale is known for changing his appearance for the big screen, such as his recent Oscar-nominated role in “American Hustle,” but rarely has it been for a cause this sweet.

Christian Bale shows support for Danny Hammond who has been battling cancer since he was nine.

Christian Bale sounds like a swell guy. I know he had that blowup on the set on Terminator a while back, but anyone who goes out of his way to do this is OK in my book. And the best part about this is it wasn’t a publicity stunt. He didn’t do it and give a million interviews about it. He found out about the kids battle and posted his show of support. Simple as that. Wouldn’t expect anything else out of Batman, and if this helps Dan persevere a little longer, then it was well worth it.

– Ryan

Walter White’s Facebook “Look Back” Video is Perfect

Definitely more exciting than mine.

-Matt

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,723 other followers