Category Archives: Uncategorized

Apple Music Combined The Weeknd & John Travolta For A Bizarrely Funny Ad

After a great live rendition of his ‘Can’t Feel My Face’ hit, The Weeknd was involved in an Apple Music ad that was so bizarre it bordered on hilarious insanity. It starts off well enough, with The Weeknd leaving a stage and heading into his private limousine. Then you notice that something is on fire right next to his limousine, and THEN it’s revealed that John Travolta is pulling off his best Lloyd Christmas impersonation as the driver of the limousine. It ends with ‘to be continued’ on the bottom of the screen, so thank the good Lord there’s going to be more to this. I can honestly say I have no idea where this is going, but I’ll be watching part 2 even if it comes out in 50 years.

-Ryan

The Tom Brady Court Room Artist Has Sketched Another Portrait Of Brady Because Of Course She Did

TBThe court artist mocked for her curmudgeonly drawing of Tom Brady has done her redemption sketch.

Jane Rosenberg’s new portrait of the embattled New England Patriots quarterback is a far cry from her viral sketch of the gridiron superstar during his first appearance in Manhattan Federal Court over the DeflateGate scandal.

That sketch made the handsome four-time Super Bowl champion appear 50 years his senior — and left Rosenberg on the receiving end of countless online jeers.

But the court artist with 35 years of experience remained undeterred, and sketched a portrait of Tom Terrific over two days.

“I still found him very hard to draw — from a photo as well,” the sketch artist said. “Something subtle goes on with his eyes. He has a big chin with a cleft in it.”

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I think if you look up the word ‘unnecessary’ in the dictionary, there would be a picture of this lady with two court room sketches of Tom Brady. Yes the first picture was horrible and also kind of horrifying, but sketching another portrait is so unnecessary it almost makes me angry. If this wasn’t a Monday morning and I wasn’t tired beyond belief I’d be fuming right now. Also, how bored is Jane Rosenberg? I understand being a court room sketch artist isn’t the most exciting thing in the world, but who the hell has the spare time to just stare a picture of Tom Brady and produce another portrait that literally no one was asking for? Apparently Jane Rosenberg does. If this doesn’t end with a Tom Brady ‘Walking Dead’ cameo then I will be supremely disappointed. The make up artists already have their blueprint.

-Ryan

Jennifer Lawrence & Amy Schumer Dancing On Billy Joel’s Piano During ‘Uptown Girl’ Is The Happiest Video Ever

Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence are the best kind of best friends. They’re obviously a lot of fun, but they’re also super rich celebrities, which is the best of both worlds. When Matt and I went to see Billy Joel at MSG, we sat about as far away as possible. It was an incredible show, but I’m assuming if we tried to get on stage and stand on Billy Joel’s piano that 1. the piano would break and 2. we’d be arrested. But when Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence do it, it’s accepted and adored. I wish I was a part of it, because this honestly might be the happiest video of all time. Imagine getting to hang onstage with Billy Joel while he plays ‘Uptown Girl’? A guy can dream.

-Ryan

Monster Blog Friday: Our Favorite ‘The Office’ Cold Opens

One of the best parts of ‘The Office’, besides everything, was their cold opens. The cold open of a TV show is the short scene before the opening credits, and few shows perfected this better than The Office (the only other show that came close was Parks & Rec, which had many of the same writers and creators). In honor of that, we decided to do a special Monster Blog and pick our favorite cold opens.

Jim’s Murder Prank on Dwight

It was a tough call not to pick a cold open involving Michael Scott, but this is probably my favorite prank Jim pulled on Dwight. Dwight is leading the ‘Sabre’ team in Florida and he goes room to room with Erin to make sure everyone is up early and ready to take on the day. Well at this point in the series, Jim has two children, so he’s up early anyway, so he decides to use his unique sleep schedule to his advantage and pull the ultimate prank on Dwight. This entire cold open as a whole is great, but Jim’s part is easily my favorite. A supplementary kudos goes to Erin’s reaction when she sees the ‘It Was Dwight’ written on the wall. God I miss this show.

-Ryan

Kevin’s Famous Chili

Easily one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make for a Monster Blog. Like Ryan said, how can you pick a cold open without Michael Scott in it? I’ll tell you how, because this show is that damn good that the best character in TV history doesn’t need to be part of the cold opens to make it funny. I picked Kevin Malone’s famous chili cold open because Kevin is a fun-loving simpleton, and this whole situation is such a Kevin move it hurts. Pretty much sums up his character. The genius in this scene is in the editing. Having Kevin fuck it all up while the voice-over is him explaining how much detail and painstaking labor goes into this chili is comedic genius.

-Matt

The Next NXT TakeOver Special Will Be December 16th Live From London, England

Per HHH on Twitter this afternoon, the next NXT TakeOver special will be LIVE from London, England on December 16th. Assuming they won’t be having the crowd there at 1 in the morning, the special will probably air in the afternoon here in the states on the WWE Network. You had to expect NXT would keep expanding, especially after the incredible success of last Saturday’s special in Brooklyn. The event in London will be held in the SSE Arena, which has a capacity of 12,500 people, so it should be a similar look as Brooklyn’s show. My only request is that William Regal opens the show with a 4 and half hour standing ovation.

-Ryan

Here’s Your Daily Reminder That Usain Bolt Is Very God Damn Fast

Usain Bolt participated in some kind of running world championships this week and of course he won. In all seriousness, whens the last time this guy lost? It’s not like he plays a sport where he can have an off day and get beat. He’s faster than everyone, which is the main quality you need when you’re just running in a semi circle. He even lets up a little bit at the end and still wins by a healthy margin. Maybe the Red Sox can sign him and make him an official base runner or something. Or have him commentate because ownership hates us (I’ll never be over you, Don).

-Ryan

Lisa Kudrow Joined Taylor Swift For A Live Cover Version Of ‘Smelly Cat’ & It Was Glorious

Taylor Swift is basically taking up residency at the Staples Center this summer, and for each show she brings out a popular musical act and sings one of their songs with them, or she jams out with Julia Roberts, all while being as delightful as ever. Well her surprise attacks went to a whole other level last night, as she brought out Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from Friends for the lay person) and sang a cover version of ‘Smelly Cat’. The percentage of fans that like Taylor Swift and Friends is probably somewhere in the 1000’s, so this is a perfect combo of a smart and power move. All hail Queen Tay Tay.

-Ryan

Jam Alert: The Walking Dead Theme By Sonya Belousova

There are few things I like better than a good cover version of a song. The Walking Dead theme is a haunting foreshadowing device used to get you ready for all the guts and devastation that you’re about to watch. Somehow Sonya Belousova make this even more haunting, but at the same time it’s also amazing. She has an entire YouTube page over at Player Piano, in case you were wondering what I’ll be listening to for the rest of the day.

-Ryan

Don Orsillo Will Reportedly Not Be The Red Sox Play By Play Guy Next Year Because The Red Sox Hate Their Fans

NOWe knew there would be plenty of changes for the Red Sox heading into 2016, but few anticipated that a major change would be coming to the television broadcast booth.

According to a report from WEEI’s “Dennis and Callahan Morning Show,” this will be Don Orsillo’s final season as the play-by-play man for NESN’s Red Sox broadcasts.

Orsillo—currently in his 15th season calling Red Sox games on NESN—is a longtime fan favorite since moving up to the major league broadcasts in 2001 after serving five years as the play-by-play man for the Triple-A Pawtucket Red Sox. Orsillo became the full-time Red Sox voice in 2005 when NESN took over airing all Red Sox local telecasts.

First off, that boob grab video is one of the greatest videos of all time. Second off, what in the actual hell NESN. How’re you not going to bring back the only good thing about this and every other bad Red Sox season? Don Orsillo is, inarguably, the best play by play announcer in baseball. This isn’t a regional/Red Sox bias, either. My guy is better than your guy, and there is no argument to be made. There’s a reason he’s been doing playoff baseball for almost a decade, and there’s a reason he and Jerry Remy are the funniest announcer tandem in sports. He’s incredibly good at his job but performs it in such a way that it’s really a joy to listen to and watch. ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ is probably the best phrase that I can use to sum up my thoughts on this. The 2015 Red Sox are broken, so they should be fixed. Don Orsillo is not broken, so why bring in anyone else? In a year full of bonehead and asinine moves, this one might take the cake. As a side note, I’m just going to let Michael Scott express my feelings from now on:

-Ryan

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