Author Archives: MattFromRI

Giant Anaconda – Someone Call Ice Cube


NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Fuck that. The last thing I’m doing when I see a titanic-sized Anaconda is pole it with a wooden oar. It’s not like these guys were in a big boat either. If that snake wanted to it could have eaten both of them and awarded them the Darwin Prize. This is another reason i’m not going to South American…EVER.

Music Monday – Queen

The man with the mustache (mustache-less in this video)…..he IS and WAS rock and roll.


CM Punk Getting Hassled by a Dick Head Made Me Like CM Punk Again

Check this out from the Fox/UFC Q&A:

First off, for anyone who doesn’t know who Troy McClure is, or you don’t get the reference, watch this:

Now that we got that out of the way, what kind of sick piece of crap ruins a perfectly good Q&A session? I’m sure CM Punk or any of the other UFC fighters that participated didn’t need to be there. I really want to believe that CM Punk genuinely likes interacting with fans, I really do, but I can see why sometimes that can be a little bit hard to do. I’m sure for every nice and normal fan Punk encounters on twitter, or in real life, there is 20 of these underwear stains ready to challenge him to a fight or call him names. The name CM Punk has left a sour taste in my mouth every since he left the WWE the way he did (and we will never actually know the real reason for his departure), but after this dude getting all up in Punk’s face I am in Punk’s corner for his first UFC bout. Whether it be against this dude or anyone else, I hope Punk silences the haters.



For his antics at the UFC event, the gym Pousson trains at banned him. What a moron.


“Go See Fridays” – Ant-Man, South Paw, The Stanford Prison Experiment

I’m starting a new thing on The Average Nobodies, “Go See Fridays”. Seeing that I go to see a shit load (technical unit of measurement) of movies, I figured our fans could benefit from a list of suggestions for the weekend. However, take this list with a pinch of pepper, because everyone has different and you should see movies for yourself before making judgment on a review, or rating (fuck you, Rotten Tomatoes).


You like superhero movies set in the Marvel universe? See this movie. I was pleasANTly surprised.

South Paw

An emotional rollercoaster ride. Jake Gyllenhaal kills it. See it!

The Stanford Prison Experiment

This movie will be tough to see because it’s on limited release right now, but if you can go see it, go see it. It looks like a hell of a mindfuck…not to mention it’s a true story.

Happy viewing!


Man Calls 911 Complaining of Chest Pains But Really He Just Needed His A/C Fixed


INDIANA, Pa. – Police say a western Pennsylvania man with a penchant for making unnecessary emergency calls recently called 911 to complain of chest pains, just so he could ask medics to help him fix his air conditioner.

Twenty-six-year-old Travis Turner, of Indiana, Pa., was charged Wednesday with obstructing emergency services and disorderly conduct.

Troopers say Turner has called Indiana County 911 dispatchers or the state police 63 times in the last three years for minor or harassing complaints.

In December, they charged him. The complaint was later withdrawn and Turner was warned to stop making such calls.

But police say Turner called 911 again Sunday afternoon. They say when an ambulance arrived, Turner said he didn’t really have any medical issues — but he did need help with his air conditioner. – Original Article on CBS News

BOLD move by Travis Turner. He must have balls the size of small trucks to think that the right move is to call 911 for help with his A/C unit. Next time I need help around the house I may just call 911, complain of a possible broken leg, and have them help me cook dinner when they arrive. Bonus points to Travis Turner on using “chest pains” as his ailment. That will get ambulance drivers to your house pretty damn quick. It’s hot out there, sweaty people need there A/Cs STAT.


Your Average Ant-Man Review (No Spoilers)



As far as comic book/superhero movies go I wasn’t excited at al for the release of Ant-Man. Yeah i’m a hug comic and movie nerd, yes I have a titanic sized crush on Paul Rudd and yes Michael Douglas having sex with Matt Damon in “Behind the Candelabra” is still burned into my retinas (Maybe that’s why I didn’t want t see it). Ant-Man is a a lesser known (well, less mainstream) superhero, one that didn’t seem to stack up against The Hulk, or even Iron Man when it came to silver screen presence. Boy was I wrong. Paul Rudd’s Scott Lang was a delightful combination of wit, badassery, and empathy. Not to mention the Ant-man suite is as badass as any superhero costume can get (Ironman included).

Another surprising aspect of the film was its frequent connection with the Marvel cinematic universe. Way more references to The Avengers than I thought (plus a little nod to your friendly neighborhood web crawler?!?!?!?).

All-in-all I really enjoyed Ant-Man. I feel like it can stack up right along side the other Avengers stand-alones. Would I like to se a sequel with Paul Rudd as Ant-Man? Yeah I would, whether or not Ant-Man gets a sequel is yet to be known, but we can at least expect to see him in Civil War coming in 2016.

I give it a solid 8.15677654987 #MattStars

Hell of a time for comic book nerds.


Trailer Alert – Ash vs Evil Dead (OMG YES)

Just when I thought I was getting rid of cable…


Yes. Yes. Yes….Groovy. I love everything about this trailer, literally everything. Bruce Campbell will shine with the brightest of Starz (pun intended) when this gets going. Ash is the role he was born to play and I LOVE that he’s making a comeback.


PS – I loved the 2013 movie and I don’t care who knows it.

In Honor of Satori Iwata Here are the 15 Best N64 Games


I’m not going to front like I know what Iwata’s been up to these last few years, or anytime before that. All I know is that he brought my brother and I some of the greatest happiness we have ever known in the form of a tiny pixelated plumber named Mario. I also won’t act like I knew the guy, but after seeing something very disturbing on the internet yesterday I have a feeling he might be rolling over in his grave.

Charlie Wilco, from Barstool sports, put up one of the most egregious lists of all time. He tried putting together a list of the 12 best N64 games. Don’t get me wrong, his heart was in the right place and he almost had a semi-deent list, but like in Mecha Marathon, almost doesn’t count.

Here is the list in order from 15th best to the best (Because you’re a coward if you make a “best of” list and don’t give value to the positions.):

15: Banjo-Kazooie


Taking the unsung hero spot on our list, Banjo-Kazooie is easily one of the best 3D platformers on the N64. Which is saying a lot because 3D platformers is where the N64 setup shop. You don’t know true frustration until you’ve played this game.

14: Mario 64


Just like the The SNES, and the NES before it, this wouldn’t be a Nintendo console without a Mario game and The N64 brought out the big guns on this one. I specifically remember pissing myself over how different this game was compared to every other game I have ever played. No matter what list you make of N64 games, this has to be on it somewhere.

13: Diddy Kong Racing


Mario Kart this and Mario Kart that…and rightfully so, it’s an awesome game (but we will get to that later). Diddy Kong Racing on the other hand, never gets the respect it deserves. You can race as a hovercraft and an airplane for fuck’s sake! How could you not be into that type of racing game! Not to mention it was almost like an adventure game and a racing game boned and had a sick twisted love child; what I mean is, you get the best of both worlds.

12: NFL Blitz


Da Bomb…..every. fucking. time.

11: StarFox


Sometimes games come along and become instant classics, but not entirely because of their gameplay. Star Fox is a great game, don’t get me wrong, but it makes this list for one reason and one reason only, the rumble pack. The advent of the rumble pack change gaming for a lifetime and it all started with a Fox who flies a spaceship……what the fuck was Iwata on while working at Nintendo.

Read the rest of this entry

TRAILER ALERT – Suicide Squad

Someone cryogenically freeze me until this movie comes out, please.


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