The WWE Network Has Finally Hit That Magical 1 Million Subscribers Number According To The WWE

Two days after many fans were pissed about the Royal Rumble match outcome and #CancelWWENetwork was a trending topic the WWE has announced that they have finally hit 1 million subscribers to the Network. While the WWE is the one who tweeted this out, they are a public company and it’d be tough to lie about this, especially when all their subscriber numbers are open to the public. I’m glad to see that they finally reached 1 million subscribers, and the release of the Network in Canada and the UK definitely helped boost their numbers, and proves that the initial shock reaction to the US numbers was an overreaction considering how many international fans WWE has. It also proves that wrestling fans are insane. I agree that the Rumble match was laid out poorly, but canceling the WWE Network just because “your guy” didn’t win is a very dumb move. If you’re going to cancel the Network, maybe do it after WrestleMania when WWE repeats storylines for 9 months until they build for the next Royal Rumble. Congrats to the WWE!

– Ryan

Channing Tatum’s Daughters Poop Face Reminds Him Of Marlon Brando’s Death In ‘The Godfather’

I was thinking about adding a spoiler alert to this post just in case people haven’t seen The Godfather, but the movie came out 43 years ago and if you haven’t seen it that’s your problem. Now, onto the poop discussion. Weirdly enough this is the second post that we’ve had today that deals with poop, but luckily this one doesn’t include an Instagram commenter telling an 18 year old he wants her to use his face as a toilet. I don’t think people realize how lucky our generation is as far as late night TV hosts. Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Letterman, Conan; you can turn on four or five different channels after 1130 and get some quality late night TV. While Kimmel isn’t my favorite late night host (Conan, always and forever) he is usually pretty great with his guests. Enter professional charmer Channing Tatum, who has a little one on one talk with Kimmel about his daughters poop face, which just so happens to look like Marlon Brando dying in The Godfather. Late night TV at it’s finest.

– Ryan

The Person Walking Around The Blizzard In Boston Dressed As A Yeti Is The Hero America Needs #Juno

BlizzardA ‘yeti’ has stepped out of myth and onto the snowy streets of Massachusetts.

A person wearing an abominable snowman costume was photographed roaming a Boston suburb as a blizzard led to closure of roadways overnight on Monday into Tuesday.

The Boston Yeti debuted mysteriously on Twitter at about 10 p.m. Monday and wandered the deserted streets of Somerville, a Boston suburb, around midnight, after a travel ban went into effect.

The mythological creature’s account joked that “multiple #BostonYeti2014 sightings” had forced schools to close.

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I don’t know who this person is, or what their plan is, but as long as it doesn’t end up in multiple stabbings or home invasions I think they should be applauded. Some of us go to the liquor store and stare out the window while drinking Busch Lights and some of us dress as the abominable snowman and walk around Boston in very dangerous conditions. Juno thought she could waltz her sweet ass in here and we’d just bow down to her and lock ourselves in our homes. Well let this be a lesson to Juno and any other future storms that think they can assert their dominance on the Northeast: we have a Yeti, and Yeti’s ain’t afraid of a little snow.

– Ryan

Trailer Alert – Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four is easily my favorite super group (Ninja Turtles are an extremely close second) so this movie had me writhing with excitement from the second they named the cast. Personally, I think that the first crew of Fantastics didn’t get the proper chance to thrive. They were in the weird pre-Avengers Hollywood landscape (same place Toby Maguire’s Spiderman lived…and died) that didn’t really support longevity. In steps a cast of some of the youngest and hottest tinsel town has to offer and BOOM, The Fantastic Four are back in business! Could we see cross over Spiderman movies in the future? Um, i’m thinking YES.

-Matt

P.S. Hey Marvel, i’m still waiting on my audition as the next super villain.

Insane Instagram Comments: McKayla Maroney, Welcome To The Jungle

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McKayla Maroney coming in white hot with a hat selfie and just like that everything is ruined. I think I could’ve accepted some complimentary ass comments. She’s young but hey you post pictures on Instagram you open yourself up to the wrath of the comments section. What I can’t take, however, are peeing and pooping references. I dont know if this approach has worked in the past for gheatley, but I can’t imagine telling girls that “his face is their toilet” has worked out for him so far. Just seems like an extreme stance to take. Also, the heart eyes smiley just makes it creepier. Maybe go buy a horse and live in the woods for awhile and think about what you say.

– Ryan

Roman Reigns Won Last Night’s Royal Rumble & People Are Not Thrilled About It

The main event of WrestleMania 31, as it stands today, 62 days before the event, is Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE Championship. The words ‘card subject to change’ have been associated with professional wrestling since it’s inception, and for the second year in a row fans are hoping that this happens. Before we dive into WrestleMania, I want to talk about the two main events last night, two matches that could’ve have been more opposite if they tried to be.

Firstly, the WWE Championship match will be the match of the year for 2015 unless something amazing happens. Triple Threat/Fatal Four Way matches are sometimes tough because there’s a lot of down time incorporated into the match, but not last night. Lesnar started the match off with a German suplex to Cena and the fight was on from there. Cena was his typical three to four move self, but Lesnar and more importantly Rollins were top notch. Raise your hand if last year you thought Seth Rollins would be the best guy on the roster in 2015? Well he is, and last night he stole the show. His top rope splash and flying elbow on to the table were two of the best spots you’re going to see in a WWE match. He’s been REALLY GOOD for a while now, but anyone who thinks he doesn’t belong in the main event scene, go back and watch that match. While Rollins might have stole the show, Brock Lesnar is just an other worldly kind of performer. My favorite thing about Brock is that his timing is impeccable. He knows when to turn it on and destroy people, and he knows when he needs to sell and make other people look good. He’s also the most physically intimidating wrestler maybe ever, and when he shrugs off a couple moves in a row you believe it, because there is nothing he can’t do. The best thing about this match? The right guy won, and all three of them looked great.

Everything that went right in the WWE Championship match went wrong in the Royal Rumble. Roman Reigns won, which was the most predictable thing ever, and it wasn’t even the worst part of the match. The Miz and R-Truth started off the Rumble, because that’s what a Philadelphia crowd wants to see. Bubba Ray Dudley came back, which was awesome, but he came dressed as an old school Dudley boy, and Devon never showed up. Bray Wyatt FINALLY looked like a star, and this rumored Undertaker match at Mania is the best thing that ever happened to him. He dominated the early stages of the match until Daniel Bryan came in at #10. Bryan held Wyatt at bay for a while before he was unceremoniously eliminated a couple minutes later. After Bryan left the match, the crowd turned for the worst. They booed everyone, mostly Reigns, but the worst part is that guys like Ziggler and Ambrose who should have gotten monster pops barely got anything because the crowd was so pissed. Bryan getting eliminated sucked, but you got over it because there was still some great guys in the match or coming out later. Then the WWE did the single dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed as a wrestling fan: they had Kane and Big Show eliminate each young up and coming talent like they were taking out the trash. I can honestly say that’s the stupidest moment in WWE history. Ambrose, Wyatt, Ziggler; all eliminated by Kane and the Big Show, in the year 2015. It was so bad that The Rock came out and nobody cared. He helped Reigns beat up Kane, Big Show and eventually Rusev, and as Reigns and The Rock were celebrating in the ring, the crowd erupted in boo’s.

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That the WWE felt the need to bring The Rock in to make sure Reigns was cheered should’ve been a huge warning sign that it’s not his time yet. But Vince McMahon and his gigantic balls and dysfunctional brain decided to go with Reigns anyway, so now for the second year in row, the fans are pissed and your main event for your biggest show sucks. The words “sucks” and “Brock Lesnar main event” should never be used in the same sentence, but after last night’s fiasco, the WWE has buried themselves again. The only silver lining is that the Raw after a pay per view event like this is usually must see, so hopefully WWE starts to plant the seeds of another plan for WrestleMania season. Add Rollins? Add Daniel Bryan? Anything but what they’re doing now will be an improvement.

– Ryan

Arnold Schwarzenegger Will Be Inducted Into The Celebrity Wing Of The 2015 WWE Hall Of Fame

First it was Macho Man Randy Savage, and now Arnold Schwarzenegger will be the second entrant into the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2015. Arnold has been on WWE TV multiple times over the years, including a recent episode of Raw to promote his movie Sabotage. Arnold also inducted Bruno Sammartino into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2013. The choice makes sense, considering this year’s Hall of Fame ceremony and WrestleMania will take place in California, the state that turned Arnold from the Terminator to the Governator. I only have one request for Arnold’s speech:

– Ryan

SNL Spoofed #DeflateGate With Their ‘Patriots Press Conference’ Cold Open Sketch

It’s not officially a scandal, whether it be political, sports or something else, until SNL get’s its hands on it. That’s actually what Lorne and his crew did for their cold open sketch last Saturday. Highlights include Taran Killam as  Tom Brady and Bobby Moynihan as the Patriots equipment manager, and whenever Kenan can play Greg Gumbel you know you’re in for a treat.

– Ryan

Music Monday – Avenged Sevenfold

I wanted to pick a song that would truly parallel the weather in the northeast over the next few days. If you didn’t know, or don’t live here we are getting a huge blizzard. I couldn’t find anything besides christmas songs so here’s A7X

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