SNL Spoofed #DeflateGate With Their ‘Patriots Press Conference’ Cold Open Sketch

It’s not officially a scandal, whether it be political, sports or something else, until SNL get’s its hands on it. That’s actually what Lorne and his crew did for their cold open sketch last Saturday. Highlights include Taran Killam as  Tom Brady and Bobby Moynihan as the Patriots equipment manager, and whenever Kenan can play Greg Gumbel you know you’re in for a treat.

– Ryan

Music Monday – Avenged Sevenfold

I wanted to pick a song that would truly parallel the weather in the northeast over the next few days. If you didn’t know, or don’t live here we are getting a huge blizzard. I couldn’t find anything besides christmas songs so here’s A7X

Ranking The Royal Rumble Winners – Part 22 (The Final Spot)

It’s Royal Rumble season, which means it’s almost WrestleMania season. Thanks to the WWE Network, you can go back and watch all the old Royal Rumble pay per views and matches, and in that spirit, I decided to rank the winners. I’ll be ranking the winners every day until the we reach #1, and if you’re interested in checking out who’s already on the list, use the tricky magnifying glass at the top of the screen and search ‘Royal Rumble winners’ or scroll through the blog. We’re officially into the top 2, so now is the time to check out the rest of the list. Onto the rankings!

1. Hulk Hogan – 1990 & 1991 Royal Rumbles

To be honest, I’m surprised Hogan didn’t win the first five or six Royal Rumbles. He was so unstoppable in the 80’s and early 90’s that it seemed like Hulkamania would never end. Ultimately it did, and Hogan reinvented himself, which is a big reason he’s #1 on this list (more on that later). The 1990 Royal Rumble was known more for the first ever meeting of Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior than for the actual ending. This stare down led to a title vs. title match at the following WrestleMania, with Hogan going in as the Heavyweight champ and Warrior as the IC champ. As far as the ’90 Royal Rumble, Hogan entered at #25, eliminated 5 participants on his way to win the match. In his repeat bid in 1991, Hogan entered one spot lower at #24, but lasted almost 20 minutes, eliminating 7 more participants on his way to become the first ever back to back Rumble winner.

The Good: similar to Flair, their really isn’t a “not so good” category for Hogan. You can bring up the backstage politics if you’d like, but that’s not what this list is for. He was so important to the wrestling industry, and really put in on the map as a mainstream entity in the 1980’s. The top spot on this list really couldn’t go to anyone else. While he and  Flair could be interchangeable, Hogan’s uber baby face character of the 80’s and early 90’s actually benefited him later in his career. While Flair was originally a cool heel early in his career, as he got older, it was impossible for fans not to cheer for him, so he never really had to change his character. Hogan, on the other hand, was the flag bearer and ultimate good guy early in his career, which made his switch to Hollywood Hulk Hogan that much more shocking. That he was able to be the top good guy and top bad guy a decade apart made it easy to put Hogan at #1 on this list. What Hulk Hogan was to “taking your vitamins an saying your prayers”, Hollywood Hulk Hogan was to cool, bad ass heels. No one wrestler is more synonymous with wrestling than Hulk Hogan, and with the help of the WWE and the WWE Network, his legacy will go on forever.

– Ryan

Ranking The Royal Rumble Winners – Part 21

It’s Royal Rumble season, which means it’s almost WrestleMania season. Thanks to the WWE Network, you can go back and watch all the old Royal Rumble pay per views and matches, and in that spirit, I decided to rank the winners. I’ll be ranking the winners every day until the we reach #1, and if you’re interested in checking out who’s already on the list, use the tricky magnifying glass at the top of the screen and search ‘Royal Rumble winners’ or scroll through the blog. We’re officially into the top 2, so now is the time to check out the rest of the list. Onto the rankings!

2. Ric Flair – 1992 Royal Rumble

Like I wasn’t going to include a video of Flair elbow dropping nothing.

A lot of wrestlers may claim to be crazy, or play a crazy character, but there’s crazy, and then there’s The Nature Boy Ric Flair. Ric Flair is very similar to Lex Luger in regards to this list, in that almost all of their legacy resides outside of the WWE. But whether you watched him in the NWA, WCW or WWE, when Ric Flair was on your television, you were about to be entertained.

The 1992 Royal Rumble was a little more significant than other Rumbles, because instead of the winner going on to main event WrestleMania, he would instead become the WWF Champion. Flair’s performance in the ’92 Rumble is the stuff of legends. He entered at #3, lasted over an hour and eliminated 5 participants on his way to his first (and only) WWF Championship.

The Good: in my opinion, there is no “not so good” when it comes to The Nature Boy. Flair and the #1 entrant on this list are pretty much interchangeable. What Flair did for the NWA/WCW in the late 80’s, the #1 entrant did for the WWF, but I’m more of a WWF/E guy, so Flair is going to have to hold down the number two spot. With his most recent appearance on Mondays Raw, Flair has now been involved in wrestling in some capacity for over 43 years. Officially, he is a 16 time World Champion and he is the only person to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame twice (once as himself and once as a member of the Four Horsemen). His durability in the ring is unmatched, as during his heyday in the 80s, he would regularly wrestle hour long matches defending his coveted NWA World Title. It seemed as if every feud Flair was in became magical, and part of that magic has to be attributed to Flair. Terry Funk, Ricky Steamboat, Harley Race, Lex Luger, Dusty Rhodes, Kerry Von Erich, Shawn Michaels, Sting; everyone who worked with Ric Flair became better off for it. He had more nicknames than you could count, and besides his prowess as an in ring wrestler, he was also tremendous on the microphone and was the centerpiece of one of the greatest factions in wrestling history, The Four Horsemen. If I may slightly change the Horsemen’s famous saying, ‘Diamonds are forever, and so is Ric Flair.’

– Ryan

‘Cuddle Con’ Might Take The Cake As The Worst Way To Spend Your Valentine’s Day

NOKeep Portland Cuddly.

Portland’s professional cuddler is organizing Cuddle Con — the world’s first cuddling convention — on Valentine’s Day.

Samantha Hess, the owner of Oregon-based snuggling service Cuddle Up To Me, dubbed the day-long conference “the most important event in cuddling history.” Couples, singles and groups of friends are all invited.

Cuddle Con will include a slew of human touch-focused activities, including yoga sessions, dance classes, a massage workshop, pillow fights, piggyback rides and a giant snuggle party.

Cuddle enthusiasts must take a 30-minute consent class before they can touch any other participant, and organizers will not tolerate any funny business, Hess said: No nudity and nothing sexual.

Oh Jeez

You know what’s kind of cute and romantic? Hanging out and going to dinner or taking a trip with your significant other on Valentine’s Day. You know what’s not cute and romantic? Going to Cuddle Con, taking a 30 minute consent class and then cuddling while a bunch of strangers watch you. Even single people are welcome, so I’m sure that won’t be weird at all. I got skeeved out reading the line “a slew of human touch-focused activities”, so I imagine actually going to this would be a horrible idea. If you’re a person who thinks this a good idea I have a couple hundred wooden nickels I want to sell you.

– Ryan

Your Average WWE Royal Rumble Preview & Predictions

The 2015 Royal Rumble is live on the WWE Network this Sunday in Philadelphia. As evidenced by Monday’s Raw in Dallas, a show is always better with a hot crowd, and Philly has always been known to bring their A game for big time shows. The Rumble is a unique pay per view, because it usually has two main events, and this Rumble is no different. This year’s event is headlined by a triple threat match for the WWE Championship and the Royal Rumble match itself. Let’s get to the preview and predictions!

Pre-Show: Tyson Kidd, Cesaro & Adam Rose vs. The New Day

Another Cesaro loop… oh, never mind (by @WrasslorMonkey)

I’ve never had such a ‘heart vs. brain’ debate for a pre show match like I do with this one. Like the rest of the WWE universe, I’m going to pretend Adam Rose doesn’t exist, but my heart is pulling for Kidd and Cesaro. There is no logical reason for them to win: they are two super talented guys thrown together as a tag team making the best of their situation, even though they’re paired up with a grown man who just got out of a feud with a bunny. The New Day just isn’t working as a hand clapping, sing along, matching outfit trio, but that doesn’t mean with a little tweak it can’t be effective. I’m just not the kind of guy who’s going to root against Kidd and Cesaro.

Prediction: The New Day, because we can’t have nice things.

Paige & Natalya vs. The Bella Twins

I’m glad that this is a tag match, because with the two main events most likely eclipsing 90 minutes of ring time, there wouldn’t be enough room on the card for two divas matches. Nikki Bella is the Divas champion, but Paige arguably has the most momentum going into this match, and at some point the Bella’s will be splitting up again. No time like the present.

Prediction: Paige and Natalya, with Paige pinning or submitting Brie Bella.

The Ascension vs. The New Age Outlaws

I loved this segment from Monday’s Raw. The Ascension have been coming out for weeks and disrespecting classic tag teams, so when you have three of those tag teams in the same building, why not have them get a little revenge. I read a few Raw reviews that didn’t like this because The Ascension are young and The Outlaws are old, but here’s what happened: Ascension were outnumbered 7-2, they didn’t back down, and they got beat up a little by a team who were tag champs just last year. Now they get a two on two fight at the Royal Rumble and have a chance to beat an established tag team. Who else on the current roster could give The Ascension the ‘rub’ that the Outlaws can? WWE has messed up their tag division so bad that their aren’t any good teams for The Ascension to beat and look important.

Prediction: The Ascension. If the Outlaws win, disregard that last paragraph and the WWE are idiots.

Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos (C) vs. The Miz & Mizdow

This feud could end at the Rumble or literally last forever. Either one wouldn’t surprise me. One of the Usos pinned Miz clean rather easily on Raw, and Miz and Mizdow teased some strife on Smackdown, so perhaps the Usos will retain and my long nightmare of the Usos as a tag team will continue. I would love to see Mizdow’s fake tag titles return, but I just don’t see it happening here. See above for how bad the WWE tag team division is, so even if Miz and Mizdow lose, I’m not sure who’s up next as #1 contenders. All I know is I’d rather set myself on fire than watch an Usos/New Day feud.

Prediction: The Usos retain, and we all die a little inside.

WWE Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

image

Thank the good Lord that HHH put Seth Rollins in this match, because I don’t know if I’d be able to watch the third John Cena/Brock Lesnar match since August. This match could go a few ways. Firstly, John Cena is in the match. so there’s always that 99% chance that he’s going to win, especially with WrestleMania coming up. Secondly, you have Brock Lesnar, who we know is under contract until WrestleMania, and who is coming off his most dominant performance since Summerslam on Monday’s Raw. Third, you have the wildcard, Seth Rollins. I think Cena’s chances of winning, and the result of the Rumble match, hinge on WWE’s plans for Rusev. If Cena is next in line to face Rusev, then he probably doesn’t win here. Same goes for Daniel Bryan’s chances of winning the Rumble. If Bryan is up next for Rusev, then he probably doesn’t win the Rumble. Of all the three in this match, Cena, as always, has the best chance of winning. The theory of Brock retaining makes a lot of sense due to his contract status. Why keep Lesnar around for the next 2+ months unless you have him as your champion? Although he doesn’t appear on WWE TV as often as Cena or Rollins, his performance on Monday night gives him an incredible wave of momentum going into the Rumble. And then there’s the wildcard, Seth Rollins. I don’t think Rollins wins this match outright, but with that MITB briefcase in his possession, he could cash in after the match is over. Not to be overlooked is Paul Heyman, who many feel could switch allegiances and side with Rollins either before or after Lesnar’s WWE run is over.

Prediction: Brock retains, pinning Cena. Rollins cashes in on Brock, setting up a potential 3 or 4 way match at WrestleMania with the winner of the Rumble and possibly Cena. I can’t see Cena not being involved in back to back WrestleMania’s without being in the main event of either.

The Royal Rumble Match

This is a three or four horse race, so I’ll go over a few things I’m looking forward to and then break down who I think has the best chance of winning.

  • Damien Mizdow eliminating himself (or not) after The Miz is eliminated. Mizdow has turned this throw away character into gold, and there aren’t many more ways he can imitate The Miz. I can easily picture a scenario in the Rumble where Miz is eliminated and Mizdow toys with the crowd and asks them what he should do, before eventually getting thrown out by someone else. This continues the dissension storyline and puts Mizdow over even more.
  • Bray Wyatt’s entrance. A lot of the internet seems to have given up on Wyatt, but not me. He’s still young, he’s still unique and he’s finally on some kind of winning streak. While his momentum has wavered in the past, his “fireflies’ entrance has always been awesome. I’m expecting him to be #1 or #2 so we can get the full entrance.
  • Kofi’s Rumble elimination spot. He’s not announced as an official participant yet, but he better be in the Rumble. Why else is he on the god damn roster except to find creative ways to avoid elimination and then get immediately eliminated? Don’t crush my dreams, WWE.
  • The surprise entrants. I’m hoping they’re limited to 1 or 2, but a couple surprise entrants always makes the Rumble more fun. Orton? Bo Dallas? DDP? Sheamus? RVD? Ok, maybe more than one or two are ok.

I think the top four guys who have the best shot at winning are Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose & Randy Orton (if he returns). Reigns is most likely the favorite, but as I stated above, I think Daniel Bryan wins unless his next feud is with Rusev. If the WWE wants to do Rusev/Bryan at WrestleMania, he’s not winning,  so if you’re a Daniel Bryan fan, hope WWE decides to go with Cena for Rusev’s next feud. Ambrose needs some momentum, and if Rollins somehow steals a win in the title match, any kind of reincarnation of the Ambrose/Rollins feud is ok in my book. If Orton returns, he’s returning to the main event scene, so you can’t rule him out, but he’s probably the least likely of the four.

Prediction: Daniel Bryan. The only way to top last year is to win the Rumble and beat all the top guys in the main event at WrestleMania. I think Bryan starts his redemption story Sunday night.

– Ryan

Will Ferrell Knocked Out TNA Knockouts Champion Taryn Terrell With A Basketball At Last Night New Orleans Pelicans Game

If you’ve been on the internet today, there’s a solid chance you’ve seen this video, in which Will Ferrell throws a basketball at the face of a New Orleans Pelicans cheerleader during halftime of their game against the Lakers last night. For those who haven’t seen it, or saw it and thought Will Ferrell has finally lost it, the stunt was part of a scene for his new movie with Mark Wahlberg, Daddy’s Home. Thanks to the amazing people over at UPROXX, it turns out that the cheerleader who took the ball off the noggin’ and fell perfectly is none other than TNA Knockouts Champion Taryn Terrell. When I first saw the video, I wondered how an actress could take such a realistic bump, but now it all makes sense: that basketball off the skull is nothing compared to some of the shit Gail Kim has done to her in the past. If you don’t know who Taryn Terrell is, look her up, because she is pretty much the only reason I’ll watch TNA Impact.

10 days till Halloween!!!!! #Pumpkin #booty #halloween #10daycountdown #feelingfestive #fitlife

A photo posted by Taryn Terrell (@taryn_terrell) on

Super sore from the gym but all this hard work is paying off!!!! Hello abs, glad to see you back!!!!😘😘

A photo posted by Taryn Terrell (@taryn_terrell) on

Ranking The Royal Rumble Winners – Part 20

It’s Royal Rumble season, which means it’s almost WrestleMania season. Thanks to the WWE Network, you can go back and watch all the old Royal Rumble pay per views and matches, and in that spirit, I decided to rank the winners. I’ll be ranking the winners every day until the we reach #1, and if you’re interested in checking out who’s already on the list, use the tricky magnifying glass at the top of the screen and search ‘Royal Rumble winners’ or scroll through the blog. We’re officially into the top 3, so now is the time to check out the rest of the list. Onto the rankings!

3. Stone Cold Steve Austin – 1997. 1998 & 2001 Royal Rumbles

As the only three time Royal Rumble winner & arguably the most popular superstar in the history of wrestling, Stone Cold Steve Austin WAS the Attitude Era. I always preferred him over  The Rock, because his promos and his in ring work always felt real, as opposed to The Rock’s mostly goofy demeanor. When Stone Cold showed up, beers were going to get drank and somebody was getting their ass whooped, and he always delivered. The ’97 Rumble was Austin’s most impressive outing from a longevity standpoint. He entered at #5 and lasted over 45 minutes, eliminating 10 participants along the way. Although he was eliminated by Bret Hart during the match, the refs were distracted and Austin re entered the match, eventually eliminating Hart and setting up their epic match at WrestleMania 13. The ’98 Rumble was the most entertaining of Austin’s wins, as entered from behind the announce table to attack all the superstars in the ring. In the weeks and months leading up to the Rumble, Austin was a one man wrecking crew, stunning everyone in his path. That gave the rattlesnake a target on his back, but he outsmarted them all, eliminating 7 more Rumble participants on his way to his second straight Rumble win. This win would set up his match with HBK at WrestleMania 14, where Austin would win his first WWF Championship. The 2001 Rumble is actually more known for Kane’s monster performance. Kane lasted almost 54 minutes in the Rumble match, eliminating a then record 11 participants, but thanks to steel chair, he was eliminated by Stone Cold who secured his record third Rumble win. This win led to Rock vs. Austin as the main event of WrestleMania 17, and it’s something I’m still not happy talking about. Stone Cold did the unthinkable: joined Vince McMahon, and with Vince’s help, won the WWF Championship from The Rock

The Good/Not So Good: Austin is a legend, a hall of famer and hands down of the coolest and most important wrestlers in the history of wrestling. When the glass broke, you knew you were in for a show, and someone was about to get the crap kicked out of them. He is still as beloved today as he was in his heyday, and fans are always clamoring for one match from the Texas Rattlesnake. With WrestleMania 32 recently announced to take place in Austin’s home state of Texas, fans might finally get their wish. Due to numerous injuries, including a severe neck injury, Austin’s in ring career was far too short. He had a great run in WCW as part of the Dangerous Alliance and the Hollywood Blondes with Brian Pillman, but he will always be known as Stone Cold Steve Austin to my generation of fans. The only thing keeping Austin from the #2 or #1 spot on this list is longevity, and that’s exactly what we’re going to get in the final two.

– Ryan

The Video For Maroon 5’s ‘Sugar’ Is One Of The Most Original Music Videos You’ll Ever See

Look I know this is fake, but in the words of Kevin Malone: “believe in something, man!”. I’ve always been a big fan of Maroon 5 because a lot of people tell me I look like Adam Levine…’s less talented cousin, Phil Levine. Plus the guy can sing with the best of him, and he’s well on his way to becoming a respected supporting role type of actor. On top of it all, this song is fantastic. So suspend your belief for a couple minutes and watch Adam Levine and his perfectly trimmed beard “surprise” some wedding folk.

– Ryan

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