Jennifer Lawrence & Amy Schumer Dancing On Billy Joel’s Piano During ‘Uptown Girl’ Is The Happiest Video Ever
Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence are the best kind of best friends. They’re obviously a lot of fun, but they’re also super rich celebrities, which is the best of both worlds. When Matt and I went to see Billy Joel at MSG, we sat about as far away as possible. It was an incredible show, but I’m assuming if we tried to get on stage and stand on Billy Joel’s piano that 1. the piano would break and 2. we’d be arrested. But when Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence do it, it’s accepted and adored. I wish I was a part of it, because this honestly might be the happiest video of all time. Imagine getting to hang onstage with Billy Joel while he plays ‘Uptown Girl’? A guy can dream.
Smackdown was live this week from Providence, RI, and whenever the WWE comes to town, you can be sure the Average Nobodies will be in attendance. Tuesday night was no different, and as usual, WWE put on a great live show. We got in there right about the start of Main Event, and even saw Finn Balor and Samoa Joe team up in some high quality NXT action. Let’s get to the 5 stars from last night’s Smackdown!
1. The Wyatt Family
The Wyatt Family opened up Smackdown with a promo, which is par for the course for Smackdown. But if you think I’m not going to give Bray, Luke Harper and their new Donald Gibb lookalike a star then you’re high. Having Wyatt influence people enough to join his family is such a long overdo character trait that it makes me furious it didn’t happen sooner. But it happened now, and although I’m 1000% sure that Braun is going to end up being just another obstacle Roman Reigns overcomes, my optimistic side says that this trio could finally get Bray into the title picture. It’s a goddamn shame that Wyatt has never held a belt in the WWE, especially when the IC belt is toiling away in obscurity with Ryback and Big Show punching each other for 7 minutes at a time. You’re telling me IC champion Wyatt wouldn’t have good to great matches and feuds with the Dean Ambrose/Kevin Owens/Cesaro’s of the WWE? It’d be money, and it would give the mid carders something to chase. Make it happen, WWE. Or just have Wyatt be the best character you’ve had in a decade lose every important match he wrestles.
2. Seth Rollins
Fresh off his US title win at Summerslam and beat down at the hands of Sting on Raw, Seth Rollins unfortunately didn’t wrestle on Smackdown, but he did cut one hell of a fiery promo. While most of his promos are long winded, my favorite part about the Seth Rollins character is that it comes from a very real place. Rollins does have a chip on his shoulder, he does think he’s underrated and he truly believes he’s ‘the man’. When he was in NXT, he felt that he should have been elevated to the main roster. When he was in The Shield, he felt like the spotlight should have been shined solely on him. Now that he’s WWE Champion, he believes people should bow at his feet and thank him for being in their presence. He’s sick of having his title reign questioned, and if he has to beat old man Sting to prove once again that he’s THE MAN, then that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Seth Rollins is at the top of his game right now, and if there’s one guy who can pull a main event match out of Sting at this phase of his career, it’s Seth Rollins.
3. The Dudley Boyz Make Their Smackdown Return
I’m not going to sit here and lie directly to your face and say I didn’t pee myself a little when the Dudleys showed up on RAW and decimated The New Day. It was probably in my top 3 as far as wrestlers returning to the WWE goes (other two that i’m still waiting for are Stone Cold and Mickie James [love me some Mickie]). So when I found out the Dudleys were going to be showing off those sweet camo pants on the Smackdown that I was attending, I got the sharpie out and made a “get the tables sign” (WHICH WAS SEEN ON SMACKDOWN). Was I a little disappointed they fought The Ascension? Yeah, sure I was. Did it matter? Hell no it did not, The Dudleys were going to put one, or both, of them through the table anyway. Bonus pee in my pants for The New Day coming out with hilarious signs protesting the Dudleys reappearance in the WWE. #GiveTablesAChance
4. Sheamus Working the Providence Crowd
The WWE loves Sheamus. At first I didn’t understand why, but after a few years of matches and character changes I see it clearly, the guy is pretty much the total package. He’s big, he’s got “the look”, he speaks decent on the mic, he makes his opponent look good, has a shit ton of moves in his repertoire and he can deal with a tough crowd. On Smackdown, he had to continually deal with a hostile crowd that were chanting “You look stupid”, and while I agree with the Providence crowd, this can’t be an easy thing to deal with as a backdrop to your match. In-between giving Ambrose the beating of a lifetime, he would often look to the crowd and scream “no i’m not!”, which, if you ask me, is the perfect childish response you want from a heel. Great match by Ambrose and Sheamus.
5. Finn Balor and Samoa Joe
Samoa Joe and Finn Balor teaming up in a tag team match against the Lucha Dragons was a nice added bonus for our night at the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence. The match was great, and Balor and Joe are a formidable team going forward (more on that in a bit). Sin Cara probably isn’t going anywhere past the Lucha Dragons, but if the WWE ever lets Kalisto let loose and become another Rey Mysterio, he’s going to blow people away more than he’s already doing now. The reason I mentioned Joe and Balor going forward, and the reason why this match was especially special (new phrase) is because this ended up being one of the matches that decided what teams would participate in the Dusty Rhodes Memorial Tag Team Tournament that is going to be dominating NXT TV over the next few months. The tag team division is probably the weakest part of NXT, and that’s not a knock on the tag division, but rather it shows you how strong the rest of their show is. If you want to see the difference between NXT and WWE, just look at this move by Regal, HHH and whoever else had a hand in creating this tournament. WWE’s answer to a subpar tag division is to just run fatal four way after fatal four way tag team matches with the same teams. The only reason people are talking about the division at all is because of the wonderfulness of New Day and the PTP. Instead of doing that, NXT creates this memorial tournament, which gives EVERY NXT wrestler, including their champion Finn Balor, a chance to enter with a teammate and try to win it. Dusty Rhodes was the heart and soul of NXT, so from a real life and storyline standpoint, every wrestler on the roster has motivation to want to win this thing. We’re probably not there yet, but how awesome would it be to have a few women team up and get a couple victories? If you don’t want to see Charlotte tap out Mojo Rawley you might not have a soul.
-The Average Nobodies
The music scene these days is getting worse and worse. In fact, I believe good music has been on a downtrend since the 90s. So, where did all the good music go? Is it under your couch? Did it fall between the seats of your car? I think not.
Let me take this time to introduce one of my favorite active labels right now; Daptone Records. This is a revival label that is seriously doing things right. Their collection of artists, headed by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, deliver the kind of funk and soul that your favorite 90s R&B/HipHop artist might have sampled. Daptone, which is based and was started in Brooklyn New York, released their first effort in 2002; Dap Dippin’ with Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. However, this stuff sounds anything like what you would expect. Recorded on analog tapes and mixed at their studio in Brooklyn, these records sound like they just jumped off the shelves of a record store right onto a turntable. Its gritty, funky, soulful, and very dance-able.
So there you are, if you were ever listening to the radio and thinking “Where did all the good music go?”, now you know, its based in Brooklyn New York under a label called Daptone Records.
P.S – They sell all of their stuff on LPs and 45s at a very reasonable price. So if your a vinyl collector like myself, you can find these on their website.
One of the best parts of ‘The Office’, besides everything, was their cold opens. The cold open of a TV show is the short scene before the opening credits, and few shows perfected this better than The Office (the only other show that came close was Parks & Rec, which had many of the same writers and creators). In honor of that, we decided to do a special Monster Blog and pick our favorite cold opens.
Jim’s Murder Prank on Dwight
It was a tough call not to pick a cold open involving Michael Scott, but this is probably my favorite prank Jim pulled on Dwight. Dwight is leading the ‘Sabre’ team in Florida and he goes room to room with Erin to make sure everyone is up early and ready to take on the day. Well at this point in the series, Jim has two children, so he’s up early anyway, so he decides to use his unique sleep schedule to his advantage and pull the ultimate prank on Dwight. This entire cold open as a whole is great, but Jim’s part is easily my favorite. A supplementary kudos goes to Erin’s reaction when she sees the ‘It Was Dwight’ written on the wall. God I miss this show.
Kevin’s Famous Chili
Easily one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make for a Monster Blog. Like Ryan said, how can you pick a cold open without Michael Scott in it? I’ll tell you how, because this show is that damn good that the best character in TV history doesn’t need to be part of the cold opens to make it funny. I picked Kevin Malone’s famous chili cold open because Kevin is a fun-loving simpleton, and this whole situation is such a Kevin move it hurts. Pretty much sums up his character. The genius in this scene is in the editing. Having Kevin fuck it all up while the voice-over is him explaining how much detail and painstaking labor goes into this chili is comedic genius.
The name is Steely_Phil and from now on i’m going to be posting whatever I want whenever I want, but theres a bonus, each post comes with a song. If you don’t like what i have to say, shove it. If you don’t like the song, cram it.
In my first post id like to comment on presidential candidate Donald Trumps hair. Its silken, blonde, and looks like a cotton candy cloud slowly cascading over a freshly polished gymnasium floor. But as much as I hate the guy, you have to give him credit for having the courage to say what nobody else will. In a world where the term “politically correct” is so embedded into our collective memory that almost every breath or word offends at least one sect of our population, Donald continues to be the outlier, he continues to be the only politically incorrect man in politics and you gotta love it.
So in honor of my new found respect for Donald Trump, here is the other most politically incorrect man walking on this good green earth; Eminem.
— Triple H (@TripleH) August 27, 2015
Per HHH on Twitter this afternoon, the next NXT TakeOver special will be LIVE from London, England on December 16th. Assuming they won’t be having the crowd there at 1 in the morning, the special will probably air in the afternoon here in the states on the WWE Network. You had to expect NXT would keep expanding, especially after the incredible success of last Saturday’s special in Brooklyn. The event in London will be held in the SSE Arena, which has a capacity of 12,500 people, so it should be a similar look as Brooklyn’s show. My only request is that William Regal opens the show with a 4 and half hour standing ovation.
Usain Bolt participated in some kind of running world championships this week and of course he won. In all seriousness, whens the last time this guy lost? It’s not like he plays a sport where he can have an off day and get beat. He’s faster than everyone, which is the main quality you need when you’re just running in a semi circle. He even lets up a little bit at the end and still wins by a healthy margin. Maybe the Red Sox can sign him and make him an official base runner or something. Or have him commentate because ownership hates us (I’ll never be over you, Don).
Taylor Swift is basically taking up residency at the Staples Center this summer, and for each show she brings out a popular musical act and sings one of their songs with them, or she jams out with Julia Roberts, all while being as delightful as ever. Well her surprise attacks went to a whole other level last night, as she brought out Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from Friends for the lay person) and sang a cover version of ‘Smelly Cat’. The percentage of fans that like Taylor Swift and Friends is probably somewhere in the 1000’s, so this is a perfect combo of a smart and power move. All hail Queen Tay Tay.
There are few things I like better than a good cover version of a song. The Walking Dead theme is a haunting foreshadowing device used to get you ready for all the guts and devastation that you’re about to watch. Somehow Sonya Belousova make this even more haunting, but at the same time it’s also amazing. She has an entire YouTube page over at Player Piano, in case you were wondering what I’ll be listening to for the rest of the day.